Somehow I Missed It
by Fawkes1725
Summary: Severus reflects over how he missed things pertaining to a certain green eyed boy.  Severus listens to the young man's friends recount some of their memories of his too short life.  Character Death.  Not a happy ending.


**I do not own any of the characters in this story. They belong to J.K. Rowling. This story does not have a happy ending so if it does not appeal to you. Do not read.**

**Somehow I Missed It...**

Somehow I missed it; yet another sin to add to my list unforgiveables I have committed in my life. I mistook everything in front of me, no let's be honest, I ignored everything in front of me. It was easier that way. Easier to keep up appearances; easier to make the loathing seem so real; easier to keep those self pitying thoughts at bay.

The main one being—He should have been mine…

For eleven years I envisioned an arrogant, pampered, spoiled, selfish, attention seeking, coward who would thrive on his unearned and undeserved fame to attend Hogwarts; however, that boy never showed up, although I acted as if he had. I took his silence for impertinence. His accomplishments as a means of gaining more attention. His avoidance of eye contact as arrogance and defiance. I should have taken a moment to realize the truth. Had it been any other child, I probably would have. But the spawn of my childhood enemy, I just didn't have the time.

The first year he arrived at Hogwarts much too thin. I was told Hagrid had to escort him to Diagon Alley and his acceptance invitation to Hogwarts had not been answered. I thought the little whelp believed he was above attending this school, and Dumbledore had to send his loyal half giant to ensure the brat actually attended, but I was wrong, so very wrong.

It was during first year he and his sidekicks made evident they had knack for trouble defiance of the rules. The three of them managed to take out a fully grown mountain troll, ship off a dragon, and defeat the Dark Lord while protecting the stone. If I had been paying closer attention, I would have realized the defiance of the rules was something more than a child who didn't believe they pertained to him.

First year came and went, the boy left Hogwarts appearing relatively healthy, and yet again appeared to be much too thin at the start of second year. I simply chose to believe that he thought himself above eating what was put before him. Served the little idiot right.

Second year it became clear that trouble found them. The Golden Trio that is. He and his redheaded sidekick decided it would be a brilliant idea to fly a muggle car to the school almost exposing our world. He then almost got himself killed in a quidditch match and damn well would have had I not uttered the counter curse for the jinx. The boy also found out he was a parselmouth, the school ridiculously believed the Golden Boy was Heir of Slytherin, the know-it-all was petrified, and the remaining two dunderheaded thirds of the trio, set out to the Chamber of Secrets. At least they had the forethought to push that imbecile down the tunnel first.

It was in the Chamber that the fame seeking brat pulled the sword of Gryffindor out of the hat…literally, shoved it through the skull of a sixty foot Basalisk, saved the youngest Weasley, and unknowingly destroyed a horcurx again defeating the Dark Lord. This would be for the third time in his short life he had accomplished the unthinkable. Many a fully trained grown wizards had fallen at the hands of Voldemort, yet that rule did not seem to pertain to Potter either.

Now it is third year, and I believed the impetuous little idiot was again looking for attention, so I volunteered to go collect him from his loving, over indulging family, in order to belittle him for his preposterous behavior and inform him the world did not revolve around Little Potter.

I strode to the door of Number Four Privet Drive, and knocked on the door, where I was greeted by Petunia Dursley. She still had the face of a horse, that sour expression. Honestly, how she and Lily were sisters still remains a mystery to me. "Hello Tuney, I am sure you remember me."

"What do you want you…you freak?" She spat out.

"My business is simple," I said brushing past her entering into the house. I immediately noticed that it was obvious three people lived here, yet I knew there was a fourth. Odd. "I am here to collect your nephew and take him to Hogwarts. Where is he?"

"Is he not at that freak school? He must be in his room; where he belongs. Vernon put him in there days ago and I haven't seen him since. I assumed Vernon took him to that bloody train station this morning," Petunia said disgustedly.

I began to develop a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach, "What do you mean you haven't seen him since? Forget it _Legilimens_!"

I picked through her memories methodically. What I saw made my stomach lurch. I needed to find Potter immediately.

I glided up the stairs when I came to the door from Tuney's memories. The door was adorned with a half dozen locks on the outside. The boy was a prisoner inside his own house and enslaved by his own family. There was even a cat flap for the food. That sick feeling was becoming stronger. At that moment I wasn't sure I wanted to know what was on the other side of that door.

With a wave of my wand the door burst open and that's when I saw him. Potter was curled up on his bed, if one could call the ragged mattress on the floor with springs protruding through the cloth a bed. I was hoping I wasn't too late. I immediately went to Harry's side and then a chill ran through me. Harry was cold, not shivering, just lifelessly cold.

The shirt he was wearing looked more like a blanket and when I banished it, I gasped at the sight before me. I could see every bone in his small little body. I could see bruises and old scars. It was then, in that moment, that I found myself regretting the way I had distanced myself from Harry.

I of all people should have picked up that the silence in him was fear, not blatant disrespect. His defiance for the rules directly resulted from lack of trust, for this is what the 'trusted' adults in his life did to him. His desire to find trouble was never that. He sought to protect the only ones who had ever shown him care—his friends and his professors. He had faced death three times, albeit once was unintentionally, to protect those who he barely knew without any expectation. Harry had looked evil in the eye for so many, yet no one returned the favor for the child.

I lifted the lifeless body and cradled him in my arms. I peered down at the small figure; Harry's eyes were closed and despite the bruises that battered his face, he looked at peace. It was probably the first time the child had been at peace since that fateful Hallow's Eve night when he lost his parents.

I failed again. I had failed Lily, and most importantly I had failed Harry. I should have looked closer at the bruises on his arms and the slight limp he had at the beginning of first year. It was obvious now it was not from muggle football. I should have questioned him more about the cut lip he was sporting at the beginning of second year. I understood now it was not from a scrap on the playground. I should have found out why he was so underweight, why he flinched at sudden movements, why he wouldn't look an adult in the eye. Yes, I had failed once again.

Severus made his way to the Headmaster's Office with the small bundle in his arms. Minerva was waiting as well.

Dumbledore started to speak when he saw something so unfamiliar in Severus' eye. A tear. Severus had not shed a tear since he lost Lily, and that's when it hit Dumbledore. "Severus, tell me that is not…" Dumbledore trailed off.

Severus nodded and choked out, "I'm afraid so Headmaster," and the tear that was threatening to escape finally fell from his eye, and it was accompanied by many more. The tears fell silently, they rolled down his face to land on Harry's. It was the first time anyone had ever shed a tear over Harry, and the child would never know it.

It wasn't until the funeral service for family, for friends are the family one chooses, that Severus gained a deeper understanding of Harry through the voices of children. Ron and Hermione looked pitiful and completely lost, after all they had lost one third of their trio. Dumbledore stood before the group and asked if anyone wanted to share parting words. It was then Ron, Hermione, Neville, and Ginny took a stand at the front of the small rock church in Godric's Hollow. Severus stood in the shadows in the back of the building.

Neville spoke first recounting a story from first year. "It was about two months into our first year and I was performing horribly in potions class. Harry had received a dressing down from Professor Snape for no apparent reason in the first class, and it seemed that the Professor enjoyed targeting us. Me for exploding caldrons, and Harry I guess for existing. Harry never complained though, so I went to him for advice. I asked him how he did it. How he went to each class knowing he was going to be called names, knowing his essays were never going to be up to Professor Snape's standards, and knowing that even when his potions were done correctly he was going to lose points or receive a detention. Harry just shrugged, he said that you get used to it after a while. He then smirked at me and said 'Don't let that git get to you.'"

That solicited a small laugh from everyone in attendance, even a small smirk from the snarky git himself who was standing in the very back. "Harry told me that it's not what appears on the paper, it what you retain in here," Neville said pointing to his head and then his heart. "As long as it's here, nobody can take that from you. Harry was a good friend to me and he stuck up for me when others made fun of me; such as the broom incident, I am sure you are all familiar with." That comment also caused a few chuckles.

Neville became somber, "Harry thank you for being there for me, listening to me, and being a friend. You were a Gryffindor through and through. I hope where you are now you are happy. Goodbye my friend."

Ginny spoke next, "Well as you know, Harry saved my life last year. He ventured into the Chamber of Secrets simply because he was my youngest brother's best mate. He didn't have to do that you know," Ginny said more to herself than to the group.

"I don't understand why such bad things have to happen to good people. He was brave and smart. He did not deserve to be treated how he was. Even when the entire school, even people from our own house accused him being the Heir of Slytherin, he did not let that get him down. Of course Fred and George pranked those members of our house," again Ginny was lost in thought and did not mean for that last to come out, but it did. She blushed furiously and everyone had another much needed laugh.

"Harry defeated a basilisk and Voldemort, and yes I say his name because Harry did. Harry did not want him to have that power over him." Ginny began choking back sobs, "Thank you for saving my life Harry, I wish I could have done the same for you. As Neville said, you were a Gryffindor through and through and also my seventh brother. I hope you are happy and with your parents. Bye Harry."

Hermione spoke up next, "Just as Harry was to Ginny, he was my brother in all but blood. We first met on the train to Hogwarts, Ron was attempting to show Harry a spell," she then looked at Ron, "That was a bloody awful spell by the way," then faced the group, "and I fixed his broken glasses. He was so grateful for the gesture. Harry was always thoughtful when anyone did something nice for him. Throughout first year we had many adventures together. Harry always wanted to help others who couldn't help themselves and was extremely protective of Ron and me."

Hermione then chuckled wistfully, "Once a member from another house called me a mudblood, and Ron a blood traitor. Harry without thinking punched him right in the face. I didn't find out until we were back in the common room that Harry did not even know what those terms meant. I asked him why he punched him if he didn't know why he was doing it. He just smiled and said, 'Because you and Ron looked offended I figured I should be too.'" Once again everyone had a small laugh at Harry's antics.

Hermione continued, "Harry was an extremely kind soul but he was a fierce and protective friend. I'll never forget the time he and Ron saved me from the troll. Harry, being raised in the muggle world, did not even think about using his wand, well until he jumped on the club of the troll and ended up on his head, then his wand ended up the troll's nose. But he never wanted anyone to be hurt if he could help it. He and Ron saved my life that night. In fact, he saved all of us from Voldemort returning to power twice in his short tenure at Hogwarts. And you want to know what Harry asked in return for it? Nothing. He never asked to be paid, to be exempt from exams, to have an article written about him; he never even asked for a thank you. Harry hated the fame. He hated that everyone knew who he was. He hated he was marked by a scar and given credit for something he felt his parents had done. Harry always said his parents were the heroes because they were the ones who had sacrificed themselves for him. Harry was the epitome of selfless, and now he is gone."

Hermione began to cry in earnest, and Ron put his arm around her. When she regained her composure she finished her farewell, "Harry, my friend, my big brother. You were a great example to us all. Many of us will live a life time and never obtain the level of bravery, courage, and selflessness that you did in only thirteen years. I love you, and I miss you already."

Ron was the last of the four to speak, and honestly Severus was the most impressed with Ron. The child had never been one for eloquence. He rambled a bit, but he spoke from the heart. Severus figured that was probably what Harry liked about Ron.

"Well, I'm certainly not as good at talking as Mione is, but Harry already knows that. He was my best mate, and like Mione said we met on the train on the way to Hogwarts. Harry didn't know much about the wizarding world, so we had a lot to talk about. When we arrived at the school, someone introduced himself to Harry who had much more money and prestige than my family does here in the wizarding world. He offered his hand to Harry, saying that he should be careful not to go making friends with the wrong sort. I was the wrong sort according to that git, but Harry did not accept his hand, and simply told him that he could figure out the wrong sort for himself. And that was who Harry was. True to himself. He didn't let anyone else make up his mind for him. I liked that about Harry," Ron said pausing.

"Our first Christmas I woke Harry up. I told him he had presents. I had never seen someone so happy to receive one of Mum's homemade sweaters, no offense Mum. It was then I found out that Harry had never received a Christmas gift he could remember. He never expected anyone to do anything for him even though he held the title as the savior of the wizarding world. It would have been easy for him to expect anything he wanted, but that wasn't Harry. It true what Mione said, Harry hated being famous," Ron paused a second time gathering his thoughts. Hermione squeezed his hand.

"Like Mione said, we had quite a few adventures in first and second year. Mum, Dad, some of these you don't know about so I'm sure I'll hear about it later, but first year we hid Hagrid's dragon, Norbert, underneath Harry's invisibility cloak. We met up with one of my Brother Charlie's friends so he could take him to a dragon colony in Romania. It was also that year that we had a run in with Fluffy, another one of Hagrid's pets, and went through the trap door. Harry wanted to protect the sorcerer's stone," Ron looked at Hermione who gave him an encouraging nod through her teary eyes.

Ron took a deep breath, "We made it though the obstacles protecting the stone together up until the chess game when I was knocked out. Hermione helped Harry with a riddle and some potions, but after that he continued on by himself. I don't think I would have went alone, but Harry did, and for the second time in his life he defeated Voldemort."

"Then there was last year. We flew the car to school. No need to recount that story as I am sure you all know it quite well. Harry learned he was a parslemouth, began hearing talking from the walls, and Hermione figured out it was a Basalisk before she was petrified, but we did not know it at the time. Harry and I also paid a visit to Hagrid the night Professor Dumbledore was removed from the school and Hagrid was taken to Azkaban. All I will say is that I still despise spiders, and being chased by hundreds of acromantulas did not help!"

"We made it back to the castle only to find that my baby sister had been captured and taken to the Chamber of Secrets. I did not even ask Harry to go with me. In fact, he took me by the arm to go find Lockhart. We did not know just how useless he was at the time. So we found the entry to the chamber, pushed Lockhart in first, and followed him. A spell Lockhart tried to cast backfired and separated Harry and me. Again, Harry went on by himself knowing danger lied ahead of him. Since Ginny told you what happened already I won't say it again, but Harry was an extremely brave friend."

"After we made it out of the chamber, a day or two later the potion to unpetrify people was ready. Harry told me while Mione was petrified that he missed her being around. He told me…" Ron was struggling for words trying to maintain his composure, but he was failing miserably. Tears streamed down his face and he wiped them away with his sleeve. "He told me he did not know what he would do without me and Mione. He said we were his real family. I never asked him what he meant by that. I told him he did not have to worry about that, and he was stuck with us."

Ron then broke down, "I never thought he would leave us. I never knew what was going on at his home. If only I had known. It's never going to be the same. He was my best mate…" Ron was sobbing uncontrollably and Hermione embraced him.

There wasn't a dry eye in the little rock church. Minerva gave up trying to maintain her composure when Neville began speaking. Albus looked every single one of his years and his eyes too were glassy. Arthur and Molly were consoling each other. Even the twins eyes were red rimmed.

Once Ron had a few moments he finished, "Harry, my best mate, my only little brother. It is because of people like you we are proud to be called Gryffindors. You were the fiercest lion of us all. I love you little bro, and I will miss you."

Severus had listened to everyone speak at Harry's funeral. He knew that Harry had been loved, but he wondered if Harry ever really knew it. That thought broke his heart; at least Severus had the comfort of his mother as a boy.

How wrong had he been? Severus had ignored every sign for what reason? To maintain his cover? Was his cover worth the life of a child? Of course not, but he had told himself lies for so long he had made himself believe the thoughts he had about Harry.

It was clear from those who knew him best that Harry was not arrogant, selfish, attention seeking, pampered, spoiled, and certainly not a coward.

There was a memorial service held for the Boy-Who-Lived. Hundreds attended the service mourning the loss of their savior. The Minister of Magic spoke, the Head Auror, and of course Albus Dumbledore spoke.

Standing before the headstone at Harry's grave Severus thought back to the memorial service. No one there had known Harry. It was clear it was strictly a political function. Harry was a symbol of hope for those sheep, and in his death they needed reassurance. Fore they were indeed sheep. Sheep who needed a shepherd, and they had placed that burden on a child. A child who accepted the role he never asked for. A child who had desperately needed a shepherd of his own.

Severus heard a voice in the back of his mind that sounded remarkably like Harry. 'You can be that shepherd. Not for me, but for those like me. Protect those who cannot protect themselves. Be their voice when they refuse to speak up.'

Somehow Severus had missed it with Harry, but Severus vowed to himself and in memory of Harry to never make the same mistake again. He would be that voice, that shepherd, and watch vigilantly over his flock at Hogwarts.


End file.
